Waiting.

Waiting.

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You’re cruel. You know I hate waiting. And you also know that, although I loathe it, I’d still wait a million years for you.

Hopeful.

Hopeful.

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She was hopeful; hopeful that she might someday be different. Maybe this wasn’t all. There’s probably more to life than grey slabs and repetition. Maybe one day she’d find that she could be more than her past. But then again, maybe not.

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I don’t know how to take photos but I tried.

Enjoy my photos with the lyrics of Thomston‘s songs. (Look him up on Soundcloud I swear he’s amazing.)
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Stepping right in to find out we were blind

Our vision was drowned by a burning sky

Caught in the daze you wore it so well

The hotter it got the less that I felt

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You’re holding it in, you say you’re okay

And I believe you

Feeling like we’re at the equator, I see you

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Dysfunctional in every way,

we drive all night and sleep all day,

Caught up in the conflict,

puts me on edge but I like the feeling

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I’m coming up don’t worry now

I’m too young to worry ’bout

Burning out

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But I need you

It’s hard to make you not forget that we need you

After all this time, I’m starting to see you

Convince me that you’re fine

Please

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Am I a pain in your side?

Puts me on edge but I like the feeling,

Cause you’re the pain in mine,

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I can see your collarbones and baby I’m scared

Never thought I’d be so unprepared.

All of the photos were taken by myself. I tried to capture moments that stood out to me or gave me certain emotions.

And trust me- listen to Thomston!

#: photography, moments, beauty, fashion, Thomston.

The images above are property of Konni Kim.

Interview with the editor of Pictorial Project: How she created the biggest fashion project of Korea

My 6 centimeter heels pounding on the hot pavement of the thriving Apgujeong neighborhood in Gangnam with its upbeat music blasting out of clothing stores on every block, I frantically adjusted my tattered plaid blouse and military-style jacket, cursing as I tried to wipe a smudge of Nesquik chocolate milk off my tights. I remember muttering “Oh **** Konni stop being so unprofessional,” every two minutes as I ran into a small path packed with indie clothing stores and Korean makeup shops and finally got to Coffee Arco, where I was supposed to meet Dahee Jung, the editor of the Korean fashion magazine Pictorial Project. (For those of you that don’t know, Pictorial Project is Korea’s biggest independent fashion photography project magazine.)

Having taken two crazy taxi rides to get there straight after class, my once neatly-combed hair was looking like a mound of garden weed and I could feel my makeup clinging off my sweat(gross, I know. Note to self-please, please bring a mirror to next interview meeting). Anyhow, I had gotten there, and as I took a deep breath and scanned the vintage-style cafe for the slim, dressed-in-black, mysterious-looking, twenty-something Pictorial Project magazine editor I had met back at the 5th Korea Style Week, I saw her in the corner, reading the latest issue of Avenue magazine with a cold latte in hand.

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Absolutely stunning.

In her 4th year of university, she’s already the editor of a fashion magazine.

Unlike me, Dahee ‘unni’(a Korean term used when a girl refers to an older girl) was calm and poised, and I thought, “That’s how I wanna be when I go to university”-chic, independent, and open to new talent and new ideas(in this case, myself, as a young fashion blogger in the Korean fashion scene). Clumsily taking out my papers and voice recorder, I smiled nervously and started to ask Dahee unni about Pictorial Project and her fashion career journey.

“I knew I loved fashion, but I was skeptical of whether I had any real talent, so I made Pictorial Project to test my limits.”

PP was born in 2013 on Facebook! Dahee unni got together with about 40 people on Facebook who were interested in her personnel recruit post. Hearing this, I obviously had to ask-HOW? Unni, how did you get 40 people to work for your project when you were completely new to the industry? To this she replied, “Although we have an overflow of fashion projects right now, at the time there weren’t many project group businesses in the fashion field to begin with, so we had a fresher approach. I thought, ‘There must be other people out there with dreams similar to mine who are looking for that certain confirmation to carry on.’ ” What I found interesting about Pictorial Project as a magazine is that it didn’t actually start out as a magazine! Yup, that’s right-it wasn’t supposed to be a magazine, but rather a collection of photos that Dahee unni and her team of friends had worked on. Literally, a ‘Pictorial’ ‘Project’.

“And then we started to get offers from bookstores like Kyobo(the biggest bookstore line in Korea) that wanted to sell our stuff,”

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Volume 4 of Pictorial Project recently got completely sold out in bookstores in Korea, and now Pictorial Project is on a two-month renewal in order to provide their readers with even more artistic goodness. When I asked about it, Dahee unni calmly explained that ever since the start of Pictorial Project, so many other project-based fashion groups have been on the rise, and all of them have started converging toward the same theme and the same goal. After the 2-moth renewal period, Pictorial Project will be back with Volume 5, and there will be more copies for a wider range of readers(D:”My original targeted reader base was people already working in the field, but most of our actual sales are made by high school or university students who are pursuing a future in the fashion industry.”), and start being distributed as a web-zine too. However, the original overall style of the magazine will not be changing any time soon, says Dahee unni- “Pictorial Project doesn’t really have one main style. We’re just a mix of a bunch of things from different designers and photographers, and as a team we’re all about respecting everyone’s individuality. I think it’s what makes us unique!”

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“FASHION X ART: We care about artistic sensitivity, more than anything.

“We focus on blending fashion and art together, rather than just showing readers what the latest trend is and what they should wear this season. I guess you could say we literally are more of a pictorial than an actual fully-functioning magazine. Also, we don’t usually work with brands or designers that are already super-famous. We work mainly with independent designers that are new to the fashion scene, to give them a platform to showcase their work.”

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‘What if a vegetarian works at the butcher’s?’

“I try to create fresh, original images based on the most random, craziest ideas. For example, one day I might wake up and think, ‘What if a vegetarian works at the butcher’s?’ and voila, there’s my next photoshoot. But then again I must admit that you can never truly create images that people have never ever seen before; different images go round and round and we see similar things again and again like with trends. It’s just a new individual perspective on the image.”

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Dahee unni at work

“Passion pay”

a Korean term to describe receiving little or no pay for one’s work;

a term recently increasingly used to describe the Korean fashion industry

“I used to get a few people here and there being worried for my future, questioning how I was going to make money with just fashion. The fashion industry is infamous for being tough; lots of people start off at the bottom of the ladder and get paid measly amounts of money. ‘Passion pay’ in Korea was also recently a huge issue… but I don’t think anyone around me really was totally against me working in the fashion industry. Everyone that knows me knows I’m an energetic, active person who likes to roam around and work.”

Near the end of our interview, we shared a lot of ideas about the Korean fashion industry (since we’re both a part of it). I couldn’t help but nod enthusiastically, once again realizing the importance of having a clear outlook on the fashion industry to be successful in it. She said, I think the Korean fashion industry is the most interesting in the world. We’re so extremely sensitive to the latest trends and what other people are wearing, so people tend to consume fashion extremely fast, even though we’re not even one of the 5 major global fashion districts. The problem here is that when people consume fast, they’re also quick to throw clothes away. So many people buy cheap clothes from indie brands or street stores and get rid of them when they go out of style. No one seems to wear anything for a long time, like people used to do in the past.”

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“You mean magazines like Vogue, Cosmo, Elle, and W?”

Dahee unni sipped the last of her iced latte, smiling with her eyes, as I asked her about her views on mainstream magazines. I was genuinely curious of what someone who ran an artistic, individuality-based magazine would think of magazines that are targeted toward a more ‘popular’ and trend-based audience. Dahee unni was surprisingly very positive about all types of magazines, and I listened in awe, thinking ‘that’s how I want to be when I grow up’.

ME: “The fashion industry, especially the magazine sector, is under fire for promoting unrealistic body images and lookism standards, and I sometimes have friends that look down on fashion magazines because of their ‘lack of quality content’. What’s your stance on the whole issue?”

DAHEE UNNI: “You mean magazines like Vogue, Cosmopolitan, Elle, and W? I used to buy them and read through them when I was a kid and it would be really confusing. I would read a column in Vogue and be like, ‘the parade of a facade of luxury based on the latest trend which is… err what?’ And then I’d pick up a Cosmo and it would have so many different articles about different topics from celebrity gossip to a sophisticated piece on traditional Chanel eyeliner on the Paris runway and I’d never know what to read. But my thoughts changed completely after becoming an editor of a magazine myself. I began to understand fashion magazines properly. I think that while Vogue tends to stick to a certain concept or theme, Cosmopolitan also has it’s own style and it’s own story to tell. Every magazine shows what they can express best, and sometimes that just happens to be in line with modern beauty standards or the latest trends. And plus, there are lots of types of magazines… If you’re still young and need to read Vogue Girl but you’re reading Avenue, then you’re not really going to get much out of it. Similarly, if you want to see alternative artsy styles, you don’t look for it in Cosmopolitan.”

ME: “Hmm. That’s actually a really interesting point of view. So you don’t think there are any drawbacks with current..mainstream magazines?”

DAHEE UNNI: “Well, as a person who reads about five different magazines every month, I think there’s definitely a situation where each magazine is failing to be unique. Magazines that are more commercial tend to all have similar content, like what the latest trends are, how to get the guy/girl, what the latest beauty tips and tricks are, etc. I reckon it’s because magazines nowadays are desperate to fill up quantity, to make it sell.”

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The Pictorial Project team working on a photoshoot

“You’re doing it wrong, you’re going to fail,”

To wrap up the interview, I asked Dahee unni for a bit of personal advice on how to make in the fashion world.

ME: “Since I go to a foreign language high school, some around me are surprised when I tell them I’m going to be a fashion magazine editor because it’s an uncommon dream for someone in my situation. Some people even tell me not to pursue fashion! What should I do?”

DAHEE UNNI: “I think that times have changed A LOT since the last generation. People used to have to follow the ‘regular’ route to success, and if they worked hard enough, everything would work out fine. But that’s really not the case anymore. We’re in an era where success isn’t determined by the amount of effort you put into following the traditional path to success; it just simply cannot be determined. There are too many variables in today’s society. The line between professionals and non-professionals is unclear, and talent is everywhere. For example, to become a fashion magazine editor, you used to have to start from the bottom of the fashion industry, doing basic labor, and become an assistant, and then if any slots were open for writers you’d work hard again to become a writer, and ultimately an editor. But I didn’t do that-I just did my own thing, even though people would often tell me, ‘you’re doing it wrong, you’re going to fail.’ I think that in today’s world, you need to do what you love because it’s not going to work any other way. If you do something you don’t truly love, you’re going to be beaten by the people who are in that field of work because they really love it and are competent. Plus, I’d personally say ‘do what you love, and money will come naturally.’ ”

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Back to the start: I first met Pictorial Project at the 5th Korea Style Week.

They had a partnership with Korea Style Week and their own booth.

Thank you to Pictorial Project and Dahee unni : )

Why I’m a Taylor Swift fan and proud of it #beingbasic

It seems that Taylor Swift has become the epitome of “mainstream”. I mean, even my DAD knows what she said in her latest interview, and he’s Korean and has never heard of the Kardashians(I repeat, the KARDASHIANS). She’s all over the place, with her music becoming anthems for teenage girls and rise to success becoming topics of great academic research for scholars all over the world. Her latest album, 1989, was the biggest-selling album of 2014, and her Billboard records match up to those of the Beatles.

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She’s become so terribly successful and famous, in fact, that it’s making us all feel guilty to admit we love her. Like any well-known person, she has almost as much haters as fans.  But it’s not just the haters-it’s the fact that there are so, so many other people that listen to her music apart from themselves that bothers people. Liking Taylor Swift’s easygoing, lighthearted songs make people feel “basic”, and, let’s face it-no one wants to feel basic, when we’re all so convinced that we’re incredibly important and one-of-a-kind. ‘Basic’ is the new negative word for ‘typical, shallow, and not special(, let alone artistically valuable)’. Downloading her songs alone on your phone at night while getting emotional about your ex makes you feel like you’ve become that basic, (usually perceived as)dumb girl that orders the infamous pumpkin spice latte while texting on her iphone, in leggings and Uggs. 

And it’s not only that. It’s also the fact that almost all her songs are about the simple emotions involved in falling in love and falling out of love, unlike other mega-selling records of the past that are known for having real artistic value, like ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ by Queen, or ‘Thriller’ by Michael Jackson, or ‘Rehab’ by Amy Winehouse. Of course, lots of other famous songs are about love too-take Whitney Houston’s ‘I Will Always Love You’, for example- but we remember ‘I Will Always Love You’ as a romantic, soulful, legendary song. I’ve never, ever heard anyone call that song “basic”. However, everyone calls Taylor Swift’s songs basic.

Why? I assume it’s because her songs have simple melodies, simple lyrics, and are about simple emotions that we’ve all felt before. They’re not about some deep, artistic rendition of love. They mostly describe the feelings a high school girl would have about that cute boy/girl in Biology, the lousy ex that betrayed you for another girl/guy that you spent all night crying about while eating chocolate in your college dorm room with your friends, or your current S.O. that you smile about before falling asleep every night, imagining holding his/her hand and going on picnics and doing ridiculous lovestruck things that you see in every soppy romantic comedy movie. The thing is, her songs are mostly about everyday feelings. Things that don’t apply exclusively to those who are in a love so complicated and holy and mature, but apply also to the ‘average’ teenager next door that loves procrastination, doesn’t know where her/his life is going, and has a crush on her/his classmate at school.

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Taylor’s songs are mainstream because we can all relate to them. I’ve been told that I try too hard to be unique and sophisticated and that I act too mysterious and chic(which is actually because most of the time I can’t think of anything smart to say so I just sit and stare at people), but I can’t help indulging in the common ‘girliness’ of Taylor Swift’s songs every once in a while, sometimes. When I’m singing in the shower. Everyday. Okay, fine, I have practically ALL her songs on my playlist on my phone, AND I’ve been to a Tay Swift concert back in 8th grade. But I refuse to be ashamed about my affinity for this ‘basic’ culture. Whenever I tell people I like Taylor Swift, their initial responses are always either ‘Seriously?’ or ‘Wow I thought you were really unique and different though’. No one says that when someone likes Amy Winehouse, or Nirvana, or Weezer, or AC/DC, or some alternative indie band. When someone says they like Oasis, it’s all ‘Ohh you know your music!’, unlike when someone says they like the Backstreet Boys(yes, I just made a My Mad Fat Diary reference).

I DON’T GET IT.

I don’t understand in the first place how some pieces of art/music can apparently essentially hold ‘more artistic value’ than others. Art isn’t like a math test; it isn’t something where you can just weigh one against another. Every piece of art holds a different meaning for every single person, evokes different emotions in every single person, and affects every single person in such a variety of ways, and I do have the audacity to say that the silly drawings that I drew of unicorns and princesses when I was four mean way more to me than a Jackson Pollock painting or a Michelangelo sculpture worth millions. 

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Also, I think it’s wrong for people to talk about mainstream pop singers like Taylor Swift or One Direction or even Justin Bieber(unless they’re talking about his stupid antics, then, yeah I agree he needs to get his life together) and their music in a condescending way, assuming that they have less artistry than other ‘legendary’ musicians like, I dunno, Nirvana. Firstly, creating something that the vast majority of ‘common’ people can relate to is not only more difficult than people think but also extremely meaningful. Taylor Swift’s songs reach out to so many people, whoever they may be, and I believe that this connection through her music, between her and the listeners, is a manifest of one of the biggest, most sacred assets of humanity-artistic communication. Because at the end of the day, being able to touch the heart of another or make someone see a certain reflection of their own life through something you created, and being able to create something that can bring a huge group of people all over the world together emotionally in sympathy(even IF it is just about your highschool sweetheart and how you broke up with her/him at school), is one of the most important fundamental principles of art itself. Secondly, even if lots of popular singers today don’t make their own music, I still think that performance(not just ballet or operas but also performing at the Superbowl) is also a legit art which requires much artistry and effort. The process of interpreting a song and using your voice, body, or instrument to communicate with others about the song, whatever that song may be, is still just as valuable as the process of creating the song itself.

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Rock on, Taylor.

Intimate Conversations

Honestly, my life feels so stagnant and dull right now. It’s the same routine over and over, and I really just cannot stand monotony. No big projects, no big events, just day after day of overly peaceful, mere existence to the point where it almost hurts. Seriously, not doing anything hurts. But not having anything major on my hands does have one single advantage-it brings out the little things I otherwise wouldn’t have noticed if I’d been busy. Here are some unretouched, raw photos I took of my sister today and raw, fairly intimate conversations I’ve had over the past week.

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(while ice skating together last Wednesday)

Me, carefully tiptoeing and clutching onto the railing for dear life: Aren’t you scared that you might fall over?

Sister, laughing, whizzing past: Well of course I might fall over! But then how are you gonna do anything?

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My mother, on me:

“She’s a free spirit.”

(Quick shout out to my mum: Mum I know you read my blog, my ‘I’m a coward’ post was on your phone yesterday)

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A teenage dream’s so hard to beat
Every time she walks down the street
Another girl in the neighbourhood
Wish she was mine, she looks so good

-Teenage Kicks by The Undertones-

This song is my ringtone right now. Makes me wanna just drop everything and dance and not pick up the phone.

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Dad: I can’t believe you might be married in only ten years’ time! Time flies.

Me: I’m never getting married.

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The best thing about this outfit on my sister is the plaid. I love plaid. Whenever I see someone walking down the street wearing plaid, it’s like, damn we would be so good together we would be soulmates.

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Me, to my crush: So when are we gonna meet up again?

Crush: Um, I dunno. (and then proceeds to not reply for days)

(#yesIknowmylifeissad #whoswithme)

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Best friend: But I think YOU need to stop pretending too. It shows in your facial expressions and the way you talk. Stop trying to act all emo and tough.

Me: I guess it’s my self defense mechanism. I hate feeling vulnerable. I try to put up a strong front.

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Me: Did you know that I have dimples, when I laugh?

S.O.: Did you know that I have dimples?

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Me, to myself: Stop worrying. Get up and do something.

Talking to Korean fashion people in a cafe: An honest look inside the newly arising fashion scene

I take a few deep breaths and inhale the sugary warmth of the two-story Gangnam Pascucci cafe. Pulse throbbing in my ear, heartbeat racing through me, I sit in front of four models, two stylists, and a photographer. In my head I’m repeating my all-time mantra(which has never worked but I still do it anyways); keep cool, keepcool, keepcool oh forgodssakekeepcool! I have never really been a cool-looking, laid back person (type A humans I feel ya), and the situation of having these seven gorgeous, successful human beings before me, within two meters of my vicinity, is making my cheeks flush a deeper, embarrassing shade of vermillion-crimson.

And hey, no judging – being a fashion blogger doesn’t mean I don’t still get overexcited and nervous whenever I meet awesome, influential (and not to mention- major heartthrob material) people! Plus, these people aren’t your average fashionistas, they’re the new bomb of Korean fashion, and they’re already impressing people all over the country with their independent photoshoots, individual styles, and penetrating insights on the industry.

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Meet the emerging heroes of the Korean fashion scene, the popular Korean fashion group, Alexandergrupe. Continue reading

I’m a coward. There, I said it. (My passive-aggressive tribute to 2014)

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(Me in Jeju Island for the first time. This year.)

I’m a coward. Honestly, truly, I am terrified of life. It gives me the chills to think that in a year I’ll lawfully be an adult. It scares me that I may or may not get married someday. I am frightened of becoming attached to things or people. It scares me that I know I am scared and yet I am not doing anything about it.

What’s stupid is that I’d always thought I was the strongest person in the world. I just knew I would succeed. I knew I was clever, driven, and assertive, and I was confident that I had the ability to ‘make a dent in the world’, as Steve Jobs stated. The word ‘coward’ never really came to mind when I was referring to myself, even while I was thinking my deepest, darkest thoughts.

Over the span of a year, it’s shocking, almost bloody brilliant even, how my perception of myself has changed. It’s kind of like the feeling you get when you look back at an old photo of you back in the day and you get that rush of nostalgia whooshing up your throat, threatening to seep out through your eyes as tears? Well, that’s how I feel about the past year, 2014(of course, there is no need to state ‘2014’ specifically again, but I feel like simply calling it the ‘past year’ isn’t enough; like we need to establish and state some sort of concrete, serious name for this chunk of time that has come and utterly rooted up my previous self-image). After all, it’s the year I’ve realized how much of a freaking coward I can be.

I realize that I didn’t act all dismissing and condescending about love because I’ve never felt it before. Of course I have. Everyone has experienced love in whatever form, at whatever time in their lives, but I always gave this sort of I’m-superior-because-I-don’t-care-for-petty-emotions-like-that sideways smirk(which has kind of stuck to my face as a default expression now) and said, in the chicest, most nonchalant way possible, ‘I don’t believe in love’ because I was scared of it. Because I know, deep inside, that I can so casually and obliviously slip up and become attached to someone who may not love me as much as I love them. I was avoiding the issue altogether, like a coward. I know that once I get quite close to a person, falling into them is as easy as getting someone to agree that Beyonce is definitely, without doubt, queen of pop(aka easy-peasy).

These days I’m especially terrified of the future. Well, my future, to be exact. I (or at least I feel like I have) have experienced so many miserable failures(what happened to getting a boyfriend? what happened to getting better at Spanish? what happened to getting better grades? seriously though, what is up with these grades? WHAT. HAPPENED. KONNI.) in 2014 that I could write a whole, hardcover, at least two hundred page book on how to fall and smack your ass hard on the ground called life. I know this is getting repetitive and possibly a little obsessive-addictive creepy but I can’t help but keep asking my inner, shriveled self- WHAT HAPPENED??? I used to be the girl with all the fierce attitude of the whole room, sucking out the patience in people until they finally got tired(physically and mentally) of me and told me to shut up and go chill or something, the girl who would obviously be voted ‘Most likely to succeed (and break her neck trying because she just cannot stop being so obnoxiously enthusiastic)’; now I feel like I’m just a shadow of that girl. Right now I don’t feel ready to take on the world at all. Now I’ve become obnoxiously anxious of my future, although of course I don’t really show it, I just think it in my head. I’ve got a year left until I get sucked into society as a (*ooh*) ‘grown-up’ but let’s face it: I AM NOT GROWN, UP, DOWN, RIGHT, OR LEFT. I feel like I’m back to the start of the monopoly board because bloody 2014 came and gave me that red card thingy that has instructions on it that tell you to go back to ‘START’.

And the problem here is, when I’m scared, I somehow get petrified, as if someone came and shot me with a stun-gun. I collapse under fear. I cease to think rationally. Like right now. I’m barely thinking about what’s coming out of my brain and onto this laptop screen, but here I am, writing my thoughts out (although it may actually be a good thing since this post will probably turn out to be one of my most raw, honest ones). One thing I do know now, though, is that I really need to pick myself up and make sure that all this was worth it. Since I can’t change what has already happened in the gloomy, swamp-like depths of 2014, I inevitably owe it to myself to at least make sure that it was all worth it somehow; that it was all for ‘something bigger’.

So basically, since 2014 has upper-cut me in the face so many times, I just have one wish for the new year. That I improve myself and get to a happier place.

2015, don’t expect me to play along like last time. It’s MY turn now.

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(P.S: Also, when in doubt, eat.)

Goodbye, 2014.

Things I realized from being brutally honest with myself

Writing has always entertained me, in one way or another. A fun, relaxing, magical thing. My parents always encourage me to write things out, whether it be a personal diary entry full of my feelings, or a professional article on my stance on a current issue. Because of this (maybe ‘nurtured’)affinity toward writing, I think that when I write, I see a true reflection of myself in the most honest way possible.

It’s when I’m sitting alone in front of my laptop with a cup of coffee, in an old cafe(which is what I’m doing right at this very moment) that I can pluck up the courage to connect with myself. When I say ‘connect with myself’ I don’t mean some superstitious voodoo business; I mean actually acknowledge myself for what I’ve become.

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It’s really not as easy as it sounds, you know, acknowledging yourself for what you are. Of course, once in a while we all whine about how we’re so doomed because we procrastinate endlessly, or we rant on about how we eat too much and sleep too much(or too little, in my case. Sleep, I mean.) But have we actually journeyed further than that? I doubt it. We never really get to step beyond the comfort zones of our smartphones and casual social media binging.

We’re at the point where it seems taboo to question the most fundamental things. Try asking a random basic ‘philosophical’ question to a friend. It will probably make them(most people I’ve tried it on have, anyways) almost instinctively try to lighten the awkwardness of how fundamental and ‘deep’ your question was by joking around or seeming clearly uncomfortable with how ‘pretentious’ you sound by asking such a thoughtful question instead of commenting on the latest hot topic or something. Considering this situation, the only way we seem to be realistically evaluating ourselves is through our selfies. Which I think is really bad, since selfies don’t even begin to scratch the surface of who we are at all. Whenever I take a selfie I feel like I’m deluding myself by filling up my empty spots with the shallow satisfaction of how I look(not that I think I look fabulous…but you get what I mean in general) and establishing my existence by posting them on Facebook, rather than actually taking the time to get to know my inner self.

Today I had a lot of time to kill on my hands since finals ended last week and I was alone for most of the day, so I decided to stop and take a break from mourning over my horrendous finals scores and sending my friends memes on Facebook and just be alone for a while. To get off social media and stop worrying about what other people are gonna think of me(or whether they’re thinking of me, *cough cough* hot guy on the third row in chemistry class) and just devote a chunk of time solely to myself. It’s harder said than done. It can actually be quite frightening to some people, and I understand that. For some of us, being alone with our thoughts can be harder than facing a room full of a thousand people, especially in today’s world. I admit-hitting the ‘deactivate’ button on Facebook was a big decision, my index finger was trembling as I hit the button that would segregate me from the world and disconnect me from my primary source of self-worth, but I survived it like a warrior. Okay, that was exaggerated. But still, it was hard.

I sat in a cafe, ordered my usual green tea latte, and basically I just…sat for hours, writing out things on my mind, sipping latte and listening to Christmas carols(only 4 days left now!), and thinking about things I usually don’t have the time to think about. I’ve been sitting here in the corner of this cafe for hours now and I’ve come up with some thoughts at least remotely worthy enough to put down on paper, or, on my laptop screen.

Being brutally honest with myself for once, firstly, I realized that I was stopping myself from becoming more successful in life. To be exact, my arrogance was barring me from advancing in so many areas of my life. I had never realized it before because a) I always seemed to have more urgent things to think about and b) I was too afraid to face my flaws in the face BECAUSE OF my arrogance(a vicious cycle..arrgg) in the If I had continued on with my life unaware of this

Secondly, I realized that I am being very weak right now. Finals finally ended last week and school is about to let out in a few days; obviously it would be an understatement to say that I’m a little over the moon and therefore am a little in the partay-all-day-whoop-whoop mood but I’m going to have to go to university next year and I.NEED.TO.GET.UP. I am being lazy. I’ve been in denial about this for a week now but now I must get myself together and STOP ILLEGALLY BINGE-WATCHING ‘MY MAD FAT DIARY’. Seriously. Procrastination isn’t cool anymore-has anyone else ever felt the sickening feeling of being left behind when everyone else seems to be moving forward in life and living out their dreams step by step?

Thirdly, I realized that I’m not that attractive. I’m not saying this to be degrading toward myself or try to earn your sympathy. I just feel like I should acknowledge reality.

Finally, I realized that I should be more honest with not only myself but also with others in my life. A few white lies here and there are acceptable, but mainly I need to have honest, genuine bonds with the people around me that I love. From now on, it’s going to be either a true relationship where I don’t have to act superficial, or no relationship.

Whew, this one was really emotional and long and personal.

What to wear to the baseball game

I don’t usually wear hats. Don’t get me wrong-I absolutely LOVE hats(woolly hats, snapbacks, hats with tassels, fedoras, hats hats hats) and I even used to wear a different hat every day of the week back in primary school. But as I grew,  I started to hear “Ohmagherd that makes your face look super huge.” substantially more than “Awww little child look at you in that adorable hat!” which eventually discouraged me from continuing on with my hat craze. But seriously though, I can’t even deny it because it’s true. #sad #ithoughtpubertywassupposedtomakeyoumoreattractive #butiguessnot

To me, hats are like the ex boyfriend that you’re still secretly attached to. I have so many yet I can’t take them out and show them off because I look and consequently feel horrible with them on my head. Hats, I mean.

But today I’m gonna bring back my old hatty self for a while to create my very own MLB(Major League Baseball) hat outfit for the amazing sporty brand, Fanatics! I’ve just created my own MLB baseball-themed ensemble with an MLB hat from the leading sportswear brand Fanatics and some other cute casual numbers from other stores.

Check out some of Fanatic’s awesome sporty hats (They also have stylish hats for NBA, NFL, NHL, college sports, and more!) : MLB hats

This is the MLB hat that I picked out from their website.

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(Here’s the link, if you wanna get the awesome hat: Fanatics MLB Hats)

It’s a New York Yankees Snowflake Trapper knit hat. I personally love the color scheme of the hat because it’s very toned-down yet unique at the same time because of the fur. The snowflake design makes the hat more attractive. I swear this hat would make anyone look cute. Even me!

I put the hat together with a mens’ American Apparel raglan baseball-style tee, ripped pale boyfriend jeans from any local thrift shop, and some unique ASOS ankle boots. Now I’m not really a huge baseball fan(I’m still figuring out how a ‘home run’ works) but I am sure with this outfit, the baseball won’t be the only thing that’ll be chased after at the game. (That was a lame pun, I know.)

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(Find this raglan shirt here: American Apparel)

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(Boyfriend jeans! You can find them at almost any common brand. Try Forever21, Asos, H&M, or even better-the thrift shop on your street! I found this cute pic here: wheretoget.it)

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(These cuties are from: ASOS)

Although I am totally hopeless at baseball and at watching baseball(Huh? Why are they throwing the ball at that guy? What? Huh? What? -Me watching baseball on TV) and although I’m definitely not the sporty type of person who’s always rooting for their fav football team, there is one thing I’ll always be rooting for and that’s baseball-themed fashion. Baseball jackets in particular have actually become a huge permanent fashion item for even non-sporty food lovers like myself. It’s interesting how one item of clothing can penetrate the two fields of sports and fashion, even though both fields are perceived as almost completely unrelated to each other.

So this was my MBL fashion challenge! Thank you to all my readers for your support ❤