The things I’m scared of right now

Hi guys!

First of all, I’d like to shoutout to PorterGirl and StorySmitten for being on my blog notification feed every now and then : ) Whenever I see you guys on my notification feed I’m like, ‘Oh it’s her/him again! (with a sheepish grin on my face)’ It’s impossible to describe the feeling of knowing that there are readers out there that are walking alongside me on this blogging journey- and I say ‘blogging journey’ but I can swear that it’s not merely ‘blogging’, it’s a whole compound of unconditional human bonding and communication and it is overwhelming. It’s even more meaningful because I’ve been blogging on this site since middle school because I love fashion so much, and now I’m a few weeks away from going into uni as a fashion major. : 0

(I feel like I should do these shoutouts more often; this is actually the first time I’ve mentioned a reader(s) in a post that I remember)

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(Regression. Still clutching onto that teddy bear, haha.)

As you guys might have noticed, I am innately a very scared, anxious person. To tell the truth, I’m terrified of so many little things in life, from liking a crush’s facebook post to going to theme parks(because there’s always that one friend that forces you to get on the most menacing ride there), and these days the fear is amplified, big time.

It’s not only because of the simple fact that I’m graduating from high school and going to uni this month(in Korea the new school year usually starts in March) but also because I feel like I’m not ready for so many things. I mean, I know that ‘you’re never ready, you’re just ready enough'(I don’t remember who said that but whoever did-amazing quote, seriously #truth) but whenever I watch myself fail at something or make a mistake these days it makes me want to punch myself in the face so hard because I feel like a useless human being. Before, I at least had the excuse of ‘being a kid’ but I’m 19 now, I’m not a kid anymore. I’m an adult. I know, I can’t believe it either. It seems like just yesterday when I was writing my ‘I don’t want to grow up because’ post. (By the way, the post is going to be used in an English kids’ textbook! I’ll post about it when I get the printed copies ; ) )

I have so many things I want. I want my boyfriend to be here(he’s away for his studies), I want to study at Central Saint Martins next year, I want more people to be able to resonate with my writing, I want to be successful(whatever that even means anymore). And at the same time, I have so many possible scenarios in my head of myself failing to achieve those things, or even losing what I already have(university, friends, you guys).

I try so hard to be good at things and be strong, but I know I’m still immature as hell and a little bonkers, even.

How are you guys doing in life?

Hopeful.

Hopeful.

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She was hopeful; hopeful that she might someday be different. Maybe this wasn’t all. There’s probably more to life than grey slabs and repetition. Maybe one day she’d find that she could be more than her past. But then again, maybe not.

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This is the type of atrocity that is happening here in my country.

As you can see by the title, today’s post is a rant.

*First of all, I’d like to clarify that I am ranting on this not because I am unpatriotic but because the very fact that things like this are happening in my vicinity shocks me and sends shudders down my spine, especially as a female human being. I thought I lived in a fairly mature, civilized place. Also, I’d like to point out that trying to cover up radical problems like this from the ‘rest of the global community’ is never the solution. (I mean, the only distinguishable reason why the court decision that I’m about to talk about was flipped over eventually was because other people were outraged and showed concern.)*

Let me take you through what happened.

 

A) WHAT HAPPENED?

It was reported in November that a male third-year medical school student of Chosun University’s school of medicine brutally beat up his girlfriend(media referred to her by her surname but revealing any part of the identity of the victim is ridiculous so I’ll call her the ‘girlfriend’) because apparently she ‘answered the phone insincerely’ when he called late at night.

 

B) HOW BRUTALLY?

The male student was so angry that his girlfriend showed an ‘insincere’ attitude for calling late at night that he went to her house at 3 a.m. He kicked and strangled her. He spat in her face and slapped her face over 200 times. He uttered “It feels great knowing that I can finally kill you.” He locked her up and beat her continuously for over four and a half hours. The girlfriend was left with two broken ribs, among other injuries on her body including her face.

C) **”SO DID SHE CLEARLY SHOW RESISTANCE? COZ, U KNOW, IF SHE DIDN’T THEN OBVIOUSLY SHE WAS ASKING FOR IT.” –> This was a court decision made in Korea-that ‘since the woman didn’t resist actively(whatever that’s supposed to mean), the man that forced his genitals inside of hers is innocent and did not commit rape’. Seriously. (And yes, this really was a real court case in Korea.) (I really hope I don’t need to explain WHY I am outraged about it but I will if I feel the need to in another post)**

Anyways, back to this case. The girlfriend was able to record the incident(THANK GOD, in a court like this!- otherwise…I’d bet 100,000 won that the court would’ve asked her something along the lines of ‘oh but did you resist against him properly?’ or ‘did you trigger his anger?’)  and was also able to report to the police at sunrise, after the male student-criminal-boyfriend had fallen asleep.

 

D) AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GUY?

Oh, trust me this is the fun part of the story. (sarcasm duh)

Although prosecution handed him over to the court, demanding two years of imprisonment, in the first trial it was ruled that “SINCE IT WOULD CAUSE HIM TO BE EXPELLED FROM MEDICAL SCHOOL AND WOULD DISCOURAGE HIS DREAM OF BECOMING A DOCTOR, LET’S JUST GIVE HIM PROBATION AND A FINE!” by the Gwangju District Court.

After an uprising of fury from netizens, Chosun University declared that it would ‘try to minimize the harm done to the victim’ but it is unclear how exactly the university dealt with the criminal-male.

Also, apparently a ministry official from the Korean Ministry of Education said, “Disciplinary action of students depends on each school’s rules,” and “As the university decided to punish him, the ministry will not take additional measures, but we’ll look into whether they properly applied their rules.”

Forgodssake.

Later a screenshot of the criminal-male-student’s friends’ Kakaotalk was revealed. It showed that his friends were calling the victim ‘deserving’ and a ‘bitch'(cannot directly translate swearwords but I tried) and were criticizing her for ‘taking his life down’.

 

E) SO WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GIRL

The ‘girlfriend’ experienced a severe anxiety disorder(obviously) and asked her school(she was a classmate of the ‘boyfriend’) to readjust her class schedule so that she wouldn’t have to encounter the guy in class. But the school said that they would not interfere with their ‘personal relationship’ and denied her request.

*Ring a bell? Ahem-ahem, Columbia? #carrythatweight *

 

F) MY FINAL THOUGHTS

This court case is one that makes me feel that my society is one that promotes a man’s ‘dreams and aspirations’ more than the vicious violence that occurs to a woman, that upholds the job of ‘being a doctor’ as something so holy that even criminal violence cannot taint it, that silently agrees to violence when “she deserved it”.

No one ever deserves violence. Especially not your girlfriend, your boyfriend, someone you claim to ‘love’.

However, this case is also one that gave me hope that I still have the power to fight back against primitive, barbaric court rulings with my everlasting team-internet folks. Most people were outraged at the court ruling and reading the furious comments of these people reminded me that I am not alone in this urge to change what is wrong. : )

 

At last, I’m off to study fashion

At last, I’m off to study fashion at S- University in Seoul, South Korea.

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Most of you readers would probably know (or, at least, have gotten the idea) that I want to work in and change fashion. Truth is, I’ve wanted to become a fashion magazine editor-in-chief ever since I was fourteen. To me, as a student of two of the most prestigious international middle schools and foreign language high schools in Korea, ‘the fashion world’ always seemed like a faraway utopia. It was the path untaken and therefore, considered unsafe and, in a sense, unrecommended.

But, working on this blog, I proved to myself that fashion is for me and I am all for fashion. My readers gave me faith through their unwavering support, and that faith was enough for me to justify my applying to university to major in the study of fashion.

And now, thanks to you, thanks to everyone I’ve interviewed and worked with/interviewed me, thanks to everyone that’s encouraged me to take the reins in my life and steer myself toward a future that I know in my guts I’ve craved for a long time, I find myself here, a proud to-be-fashion major university student.

I plan to work my ass off (sorry for the crude language, but it’s the most accurate figurative term I can think of to describe the raw, honest attitude in which I will strive to do my best) to become the most passionate, brilliant fashion magazine editor-in-chief the fashion industry has ever witnessed.

Thanks for accompanying me on this delightfully wild journey. : )

Here’s a puppy.

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Steal Taylor’s style (Guest Post)

Taylor Swift Looks That You Can Effortlessly Rock

Taylor Swift’s vocals never miss the right notes; the crooner just bagged the Best Song award for Bad Blood at the MTV EMAs. But you know what else of hers never misses striking a victory/ her ooh-so-uber sense of style. It’s trendy, it’s classy, and it’s even simpler to whip up in case you’re a fool for celebrity fashion. And here we bring you five of her easy looks to mock up and rock.

Mini denim and long legs

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Oooh so very light on the eyes and high on style – isn’t getting this look a piece of cake? We’re pretty sure that you have a pair of denim shorts lying around somewhere in your wardrobe that are just waiting to be pulled out. And even if you don’t, you can always cut up an old pair to match the length on those ultra-mini shorts Swift’s sporting. Pair it up with white full-sleeve top and nude pumps to get this super sexy yet easy celebrity style in absolutely no time.

Black is black

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New York – 04/17/2014 – Taylor Swift goes to a recording studio in Manhattan. Credit: Broadimage

Taylor Swift just looks fantabulous in black; don’t you agree? Well, if not, then take a second look. The good news is that you can probably mock up her celebrity style with just about as much as ease as the one earlier. While the skirt and that sheer top are probably branded and carry a rather unaffordable price tag with them, you can pull something off a reasonable e-store that is just about a perfect match. And the black leggings and heels are something that you probably already have in your wardrobe. If not, then what do you have? They’re black fashion essentials for every woman. Either way, the all black look is always a rocker and a fashion win on the streets; never goes wrong!

 

Active fashion

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And who said sporty wasn’t fashionable? She definitely makes us sweat swiftly in that sporty look. You know what, you can get it too, and that too without too much of an effort. So if you’re an avid gym goer, you probably already own a pair of black active pants; and even if they’re long, just roll ‘em up till below the knees. Slip on a black sleeveless top – which by the way is another female wardrobe essential. And for the white sleeveless, just ask one of your bigger male gym-going friends for one. Oh and don’t forget the fancy snickers and fashion jewelry in the arm to make the look more fashionable and less sporty.

 

 

 

 

Hot winter swag

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Winter’s here and a style guide would be incomplete without the letterman! And whaddya know, Taylor does it right again. It’s another easy look that you can effortlessly rock on the streets for some hot winter swag. Pull out your letterman, throw it over a simple white T, and match it with a pair of matching shorts. The flats are a great replacement for the heels to get a more casual and laid back look. Don’t forget the shades and the guitar case to land an impression; who said the case needs to be full!

The Swift Pick

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But if you’re really serious about cheating celebrity style, and have all the time and the wee bit of cash it takes to shop online, here’s a swift assortment of perfect style essentials to pull off a Taylor Swift that’s still easy, yet more on the classy side instead of casual. We reckon that you already have the thin stockings a pair of shoes and a leather handbag that would just about fine if not an exact match to those in the picture. All you’ll need is the vine dress and that lusciously straight hair.

So which Taylor Swift are you getting this fall?

Author Bio

Arsalan Ahmed is a passionate blogger who loves to write on different disciplines such as lifestyle, fashion, finance, and education.

 

What it feels like to fail to get into university

Written by Anonymous Person

I have become a useless person.

 

Over a fortnight, I have become a useless person. The once promising spark in my eyes and my cheeks flushing with excitement are gone. I have been stripped of the pride that lived in the crimson walls of my living room that hold all my past awards, each delicately placed in their rightful spots by my hopeful parents, ghost achievements that now just make me cringe at the thought of what could and should have been.

 

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Last night, a moment before I went to sleep, I realized that I had become a useless person.

 

In fact, I am more than useless. I am like a parasite, spreading through the tissue of my parents’ backbones, sucking out the harvest of their dedication and trust.

It is already 1AM when I check my phone to see the time. My parents-

My ears perk up as I focus on the soft moans of my mother and the heavy sighs from my father in the middle of the night. Their pain is palpable; I can tell that I am causing it.

 

“Serves You Right.”

 

Her voice pierces through me like the sharpest dagger. Because, I know that it does. I can feel my walls of self-righteousness and years of anxious rationalization crumbling down to the floor we stand on, the same 5 square meters of floor that our family has been tiptoeing on for the past two years of my expensive education. They needed this, we needed this, more than I did.

 

I think meticulously. How can I make myself useful again? How am I going to earn back my self esteem? My mind is clinging on to the edge of my pride and desperation. When you knock yourself off your tightrope with one single blow, which way should you fall?

 

I am serving time for my sins; I repent, I free-fall for a while, and I try not to look up or down, because up is too high for me now and down is a future that feels deeper and scarier than before.

 

Laying on my bed,

“Jen, what would you do–I mean, think, if–if I failed to get into any of the colleges I applied to?”

“I’d think, ‘Oh. She got unlucky.'”

 ‘If you believe what you say, words become reality.’ – Ingrid Betancourt 

A.K.A. why I haven’t been around here for a while, guys

Light Being

Light Being

Poem by Konni Kim

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When I say ‘light’

I mean the lightness of your words

I don’t mean the lightness of your flesh

I mean the fluorescent lights he turns on to welcome me home

I don’t mean the city lights that beckon

from across the Han River

for my attention

 

And

When I say ‘being’

I mean the presence of your mind

I don’t mean to talk about every fiber of your physique

I mean the words you whisper to remind

me who I am

I don’t mean your iPhone.

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Guys,

I haven’t written for so long because I was caught up in university applications and a huge exam (post about it all coming soon-don’t miss it I’m going to be super honest). Sorry. But I’m back! Yay!

Why not judge? Because we’re evolving, that’s why.

Judge. We all do – it’s an inevitable part of the sociability sector of human nature, to judge and to expect to be judged. It’s so easy, since inside our imperfect human genes lies an innate inclination to convenience. It is convenient to generalize, pack things and people away in mental boxes, and profile anything new that we experience to match what we already know. We’re inescapably lazy by nature, trying to find patterns and familiarity among ambiguity. And a lot of the time, we may be correct. If small, red berries picked from the woods poisoned a neighbor it was obviously wise to avoid similar looking possibly-poisonous red berries. In a modern context, an anxious-looking man wearing a mask to cover his face, holding a mysterious object draped with cloth, is probably dangerous – or so our instinctive mind tells us, because we have learned (probably more from movies or dramas rather than real experience), or at least assume, that most homicidal criminals or bombers probably would look or act in that certain abnormal way. We sense the potential danger of the man and practically reflexively make the decision to move to the next subway cell. Although there is a chance that our intellectual and instinctive interpretation of the situation may not be accurate, we are programmed to act in a way that we think will best ensure our survival.

From a naturalistic, behaviorist perspective, judging and holding prejudices and stereotypes makes perfect sense. Then why is it that the word has such a negative ring to it? The use of the word ‘judge’ has become so prevalent in shaming people in our generation. Is it just me, or is the word being used much more often than before? We hashtag #nojudgmentnohate, Miley sings, ‘Only God can judge ya, forget the haters, ‘coz somebody loves ya’, and people all over the internet are getting bashed on SNS for getting ‘judgey’. Personally I think it’s an interesting phenomenon to watch humanity fight against their utmost primal instinct of survival. We’re in an era of a new type of evolution, one of human mentality and sociability. It’s not a physical evolution, and not only are we smarter and more resourceful, we’re technically contradicting our genes and it’s on a digital, global, ubiquitous scale.

A woman wearing a revealing tight tank top showing lots of cleavage and a miniskirt walks by. What would you think? Be honest. What would your judgement of that particular individual be? That she’s promiscuous? That she’s asking for it? This is where the terrible flaw of human nature is exposed. Not only is the train of thought that ‘revealing clothes –> promiscuity –> asking for it’ dangerous and cripplingly disturbing (for obvious reasons!!), it’s statistically and logically wrong (the majority of rape crimes happened under circumstances where the victim was, comparatively, dressed in less revealing clothing).

Judging people endorses assumptions, and I believe assumptions are what we as a new generation must guard our minds against. They’re what make us tick people off our mental lists that could have been exceptional partners, friends, or lovers. They’re what bar us from seeing the potential behind the nerdy glasses and the introverted shyness (a LOT of innovative thinkers were less-sociable introverts, apparently, and innovative, free thinkers are exactly the sort of people we need in such a technologically advanced period of human development.). They’re what make us foolish and stop us from enjoying everyone’s individual uniqueness.

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And in such an era of acceptance and celebration of diversity, I ask you – please don’t dish out labels and judgement. For your own sake, too. Don’t judge people for their type of lifestyle (as long as it’s not harming other people or illegal); whether you think they’re doing a great job in life should really just be a speck of dust floating around the bottom of your ‘things that I should be nosy and judgmental about’ list. You don’t understand other people’s dynamic or motives, so stop before you lose your focus on yourself while being a pancake, shallowly draping all over other people’s private lives. Don’t judge LGBT people for their way of love; you can’t imagine how many amazing LGBT people I know that are amazing companions, best friends, incredibly intelligent human beings etc. Judging them and shunning them only makes you miss out on the truly admirable qualities that they have to offer to the world. Don’t judge people based on their exterior (how they look, dress, carry themselves) – this one should be even more obvious. #Nomorehate!

I strongly support the rising social (mostly online, I think) movement against ‘judgment’ and ‘hate’. Not only is it a manifest of the beneficial positive side of IT development but personally I think it’s also a huge relief that we’re finally understanding(or at least, beginning to raise more awareness on the matter than before) the immense individual and societal dangers of carrying a ‘naturally’ judgmental mind, especially when facing other people. Society is becoming increasingly complex and unpredictable, and we can no longer afford to pretend like we live in a world of simplicity where, if one red berry is poisonous, the next similar looking red berry is, too.

Let people do their thing. That’s the only direction in which this society will be able to shift toward a more humanitarian, productive future. Current times require of us the strength to generously accept and creatively flourish, not to judge and be judged. Break stereotypes and be innovative.

I don’t know how to take photos but I tried.

Enjoy my photos with the lyrics of Thomston‘s songs. (Look him up on Soundcloud I swear he’s amazing.)
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Stepping right in to find out we were blind

Our vision was drowned by a burning sky

Caught in the daze you wore it so well

The hotter it got the less that I felt

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You’re holding it in, you say you’re okay

And I believe you

Feeling like we’re at the equator, I see you

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Dysfunctional in every way,

we drive all night and sleep all day,

Caught up in the conflict,

puts me on edge but I like the feeling

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I’m coming up don’t worry now

I’m too young to worry ’bout

Burning out

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But I need you

It’s hard to make you not forget that we need you

After all this time, I’m starting to see you

Convince me that you’re fine

Please

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Am I a pain in your side?

Puts me on edge but I like the feeling,

Cause you’re the pain in mine,

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I can see your collarbones and baby I’m scared

Never thought I’d be so unprepared.

All of the photos were taken by myself. I tried to capture moments that stood out to me or gave me certain emotions.

And trust me- listen to Thomston!

#: photography, moments, beauty, fashion, Thomston.

The images above are property of Konni Kim.