The things I’m scared of right now

Hi guys!

First of all, I’d like to shoutout to PorterGirl and StorySmitten for being on my blog notification feed every now and then : ) Whenever I see you guys on my notification feed I’m like, ‘Oh it’s her/him again! (with a sheepish grin on my face)’ It’s impossible to describe the feeling of knowing that there are readers out there that are walking alongside me on this blogging journey- and I say ‘blogging journey’ but I can swear that it’s not merely ‘blogging’, it’s a whole compound of unconditional human bonding and communication and it is overwhelming. It’s even more meaningful because I’ve been blogging on this site since middle school because I love fashion so much, and now I’m a few weeks away from going into uni as a fashion major. : 0

(I feel like I should do these shoutouts more often; this is actually the first time I’ve mentioned a reader(s) in a post that I remember)


(Regression. Still clutching onto that teddy bear, haha.)

As you guys might have noticed, I am innately a very scared, anxious person. To tell the truth, I’m terrified of so many little things in life, from liking a crush’s facebook post to going to theme parks(because there’s always that one friend that forces you to get on the most menacing ride there), and these days the fear is amplified, big time.

It’s not only because of the simple fact that I’m graduating from high school and going to uni this month(in Korea the new school year usually starts in March) but also because I feel like I’m not ready for so many things. I mean, I know that ‘you’re never ready, you’re just ready enough'(I don’t remember who said that but whoever did-amazing quote, seriously #truth) but whenever I watch myself fail at something or make a mistake these days it makes me want to punch myself in the face so hard because I feel like a useless human being. Before, I at least had the excuse of ‘being a kid’ but I’m 19 now, I’m not a kid anymore. I’m an adult. I know, I can’t believe it either. It seems like just yesterday when I was writing my ‘I don’t want to grow up because’ post. (By the way, the post is going to be used in an English kids’ textbook! I’ll post about it when I get the printed copies ; ) )

I have so many things I want. I want my boyfriend to be here(he’s away for his studies), I want to study at Central Saint Martins next year, I want more people to be able to resonate with my writing, I want to be successful(whatever that even means anymore). And at the same time, I have so many possible scenarios in my head of myself failing to achieve those things, or even losing what I already have(university, friends, you guys).

I try so hard to be good at things and be strong, but I know I’m still immature as hell and a little bonkers, even.

How are you guys doing in life?




She was hopeful; hopeful that she might someday be different. Maybe this wasn’t all. There’s probably more to life than grey slabs and repetition. Maybe one day she’d find that she could be more than her past. But then again, maybe not.



This is the type of atrocity that is happening here in my country.

As you can see by the title, today’s post is a rant.

*First of all, I’d like to clarify that I am ranting on this not because I am unpatriotic but because the very fact that things like this are happening in my vicinity shocks me and sends shudders down my spine, especially as a female human being. I thought I lived in a fairly mature, civilized place. Also, I’d like to point out that trying to cover up radical problems like this from the ‘rest of the global community’ is never the solution. (I mean, the only distinguishable reason why the court decision that I’m about to talk about was flipped over eventually was because other people were outraged and showed concern.)*

Let me take you through what happened.



It was reported in November that a male third-year medical school student of Chosun University’s school of medicine brutally beat up his girlfriend(media referred to her by her surname but revealing any part of the identity of the victim is ridiculous so I’ll call her the ‘girlfriend’) because apparently she ‘answered the phone insincerely’ when he called late at night.



The male student was so angry that his girlfriend showed an ‘insincere’ attitude for calling late at night that he went to her house at 3 a.m. He kicked and strangled her. He spat in her face and slapped her face over 200 times. He uttered “It feels great knowing that I can finally kill you.” He locked her up and beat her continuously for over four and a half hours. The girlfriend was left with two broken ribs, among other injuries on her body including her face.

C) **”SO DID SHE CLEARLY SHOW RESISTANCE? COZ, U KNOW, IF SHE DIDN’T THEN OBVIOUSLY SHE WAS ASKING FOR IT.” –> This was a court decision made in Korea-that ‘since the woman didn’t resist actively(whatever that’s supposed to mean), the man that forced his genitals inside of hers is innocent and did not commit rape’. Seriously. (And yes, this really was a real court case in Korea.) (I really hope I don’t need to explain WHY I am outraged about it but I will if I feel the need to in another post)**

Anyways, back to this case. The girlfriend was able to record the incident(THANK GOD, in a court like this!- otherwise…I’d bet 100,000 won that the court would’ve asked her something along the lines of ‘oh but did you resist against him properly?’ or ‘did you trigger his anger?’)  and was also able to report to the police at sunrise, after the male student-criminal-boyfriend had fallen asleep.



Oh, trust me this is the fun part of the story. (sarcasm duh)

Although prosecution handed him over to the court, demanding two years of imprisonment, in the first trial it was ruled that “SINCE IT WOULD CAUSE HIM TO BE EXPELLED FROM MEDICAL SCHOOL AND WOULD DISCOURAGE HIS DREAM OF BECOMING A DOCTOR, LET’S JUST GIVE HIM PROBATION AND A FINE!” by the Gwangju District Court.

After an uprising of fury from netizens, Chosun University declared that it would ‘try to minimize the harm done to the victim’ but it is unclear how exactly the university dealt with the criminal-male.

Also, apparently a ministry official from the Korean Ministry of Education said, “Disciplinary action of students depends on each school’s rules,” and “As the university decided to punish him, the ministry will not take additional measures, but we’ll look into whether they properly applied their rules.”


Later a screenshot of the criminal-male-student’s friends’ Kakaotalk was revealed. It showed that his friends were calling the victim ‘deserving’ and a ‘bitch'(cannot directly translate swearwords but I tried) and were criticizing her for ‘taking his life down’.



The ‘girlfriend’ experienced a severe anxiety disorder(obviously) and asked her school(she was a classmate of the ‘boyfriend’) to readjust her class schedule so that she wouldn’t have to encounter the guy in class. But the school said that they would not interfere with their ‘personal relationship’ and denied her request.

*Ring a bell? Ahem-ahem, Columbia? #carrythatweight *



This court case is one that makes me feel that my society is one that promotes a man’s ‘dreams and aspirations’ more than the vicious violence that occurs to a woman, that upholds the job of ‘being a doctor’ as something so holy that even criminal violence cannot taint it, that silently agrees to violence when “she deserved it”.

No one ever deserves violence. Especially not your girlfriend, your boyfriend, someone you claim to ‘love’.

However, this case is also one that gave me hope that I still have the power to fight back against primitive, barbaric court rulings with my everlasting team-internet folks. Most people were outraged at the court ruling and reading the furious comments of these people reminded me that I am not alone in this urge to change what is wrong. : )