Some people love my insights on fashion, some love my posts that inform about the fashion industry, some request more of my own artwork to be uploaded(don’t worry, I have a new piece coming up!), and others like it when I introduce new brands or bloggers. I don’t know whether you’ll like this post as much as my other less-personal posts. But for this post, I’m going to take a risk and do something I don’t typically do. I’m about to show(and tell) you stuff that I’ve never shown/told anyone before. Ever.
Honestly, it’s the first time I’ve ever owned a blog that has gotten this far. I usually handle my blog business between the hours of 11pm~4am, because during the daytime I have to do schoolwork, study, or have appointments to attend. When I upload a post, I get about 2~3 hours of sleep at the most if it’s a school night, or if I have to do something the next morning.
So…yeah. As you can see, it’s a little stressful, but only a little, because I love what I’m doing. (The photo above is a real life situation photo of me writing this very post at this very moment.) If you think about it, it only makes sense that I love Konni Kim Designs (wow the name sounds weird coming from my own mouth/fingers on keyboard). If I didn’t have a passion for fashion, for art, and for this blog, I wouldn’t still be doing this while sacrificing my sleep, my skin(
beautiful teenage skin all these new pimples!!!grrr), and my tv show watching time(farewell, antm and pll.).
When I first started this blog, people told me it was useless. Do you know how it feels to have the thing you value the most in the whole world be called ‘useless‘? You probably do…most of my readers are older and more experienced than me. Well, that’s how I felt. People would ask me why I was doing this, did I think this blog would get me into college, isn’t this a waste of time… My response is: No, I don’t think this blog will ultimately get me into a good school or land me an opportunity for a prestigious job. But I didn’t start this blog for the sole purpose of using it as a resource for my record! I blog because my blog is the only place where I can truly be myself without people pointing a finger at me. I blog because whenever another blogger actually takes the time to read a post and comment, I feel as ecstatic as ever and it really, really does make my day. I’m not exaggerating.
And the fact that this blog is all mine… As a high school student I don’t have many things that I can call ‘mine’. My time is given to school, academies, homework, meetings etc. The things I own weren’t bought with my own earned money- my parents bought me those. But Konni Kim Designs is totally mine, and I made this by myself, through my own efforts. I did this alone, even when people mocked and laughed and ignored.
Whenever I play my piano, I feel so angry. I love playing the piano and I want to improve my skills. Then why am I angry? Every time I play I notice that my skills have deteriorated, but that’s not why I’m really angry. I’m angry because of the sudden realization that I often don’t get given a chance to actually be good at anything other than what society thinks is important, and what society expects from me. I do fully understand that building a strong road to a stable career is important (of course it’s important), but everyone has to admit that sometimes the ingrained sense of commitment to excel in the “important stuff” rather than the “other stuff” does go over the top and invades other areas of life. That’s why I cling onto this blog, because I feel like it’s a piece of my true self that I won’t let anyone take away from me. I’m not going to let that happen.
This blog isn’t much, but to me it means the world. Most importantly, it’s my world that I created.
To wrap up, here’s an excerpt from my real secret diary that I’ve never, ever exposed to anyone else before. I wrote this part on the day before my sixteenth birthday.
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